Dear God,
Earlier today I was reading a friend of mines Facebook page, on his page he posted a prayer for revival. He asked that you would send your “revival rain to revive your people.” It reminded me of one of my favorite songs from my time in the revival in Pensacola, “Let it Rain.” Here is the video of Lindell Cooley and the Brownsville Assembly of God worship team singing it:
However, that is not the purpose of my letter. I wanted to talk for a minute. I wanted to share my heart a little and I seem to be able to do that better in writing then with words. This video reminded me of a time in my life where you and I were close. Really close. Not that we are not close now but it’s just different now. I imagine it has a lot to do with growing up and maturing. I imagine that we progress in our relationship with you much like we do in a marriage. It grows and is different. It can grow stale at times but can also be just like when we first fell in love.
I know we have had some ups and downs throughout our journey together (what relationship doesn’t) but I must confess that I have loved the journey. I have loved the struggle (ok maybe not all the time.). I have loved learning new things about you. However, there have been times where I have wondered if I was actually losing my faith. I have wondered if I had left the God that I grew up loving so much!! Life can get busy and many times things take up a great deal of time and energy as we get married, have kids, and go to work everyday. There have been so many times where I felt like I was lost.
I have struggled with these thoughts a lot in my life. I believe mainly because of the fact of growing up fatherless. I wrestle with you being my Father. I wrestle with that type of relationship with you. I want that but I often don’t know how to walk in it. I wrestle with trying to grasp and understand it. I believe it. I just………….
However, I wanted to talk to you about the future. I love you. I want to know you more. I want to be the man that you created me to be. I want to be a good husband and father. I want to be a good businessman and community leader. While many think that they can do that without you I know that is just not true. I need you. I need your Grace and Love. I need your Wisdom. I need your Guidance.
Please forgive me because I have walked in the flesh. I have acted in ways that have hurt you and hurt other people. I have sinned, strayed, and allowed myself to grow complacent at times. While I am sure that happens to the best of us I just…………………..hate it. I hate that we as people so often stray so easily. I hate that we so quickly turn from your love. My heart is to know you. To grow closer to you. To fall more in love with you everyday. To share what you have done in me with others.
My prayer is that you would help me. That you would give me a hunger for you. That your Grace would seep out of me. That your presence would saturate me. That above all I would love like you no matter who it is, what they look like, how they smell, what they do or have done in life, etc.
I would like to continue these letters. For now I just wanted to share this. I will write you again soon.
Love,
Shawn
