I have tried to live a perfect life.
I have tried to not say things that hurt others.
I have tried to not watch shows, movies, etc. that people said I shouldn’t because I would be displeasing to God.
I have tried to not listen to music that others said was evil and would make God angry with me.
I have tried to live according to the rules and regulations that I was told would make God happy.
I have tried to be a good religious person.
I have tried to stand up for what I was told was the right thing and the right way.
I have tried.
I HAVE FAILED!!!!!
If you are like me, you have tried to live perfect, be holy, and live according to all the rules and regulations Christians are supposed to in order to be “good Christians.” The problem though is that NONE of us are ever really successful. We pretend we are (like I used to), we tell others that we are (when we are really lying), and we do our best to convince ourselves that we are (when in reality we are more bound then before we came to Christ).
I get it. I understand why we try. We are told from a young age that in order to please God we have to do this or that, or live a certain way, but in reality knowing and pleasing God is not about rules, regulations, what we watch or don’t watch, what we listen to, or even how much we read the Bible or not. Knowing God is really all about relationship!!
Life really is all about Jesus and knowing Him. While we should strive to do good and live a life that is pleasing to God. God will still love us even if we don’t. Even if we fail (and we will). God will love us even if we don’t read the Bible everyday or pray everyday!! Are these things good? Of course!! But God did not intend for them to become things that bind us to a set of rules, but things that cause us to flow in the Freedom of growing in our relationship with Him. I have tried being that “good Christian,” guy that I was supposed to be, and found that I had given up my freedom to live in intimacy with God, for a system of rules not based on God, but on what man though God wanted.
I have wrestled with the thoughts of my heart and how I was supposed to live a life I knew I couldn’t. I was told to “fake it until you make it.” The problem though, is that WE NEVER MAKE IT!!! We NEVER end up becoming what we are told we will become. We are told that if we read the Bible everyday, have a quit time of at least 15 minutes, don’t grossly sin, don’t watch rated R movies, don’t listen to secular music, etc. we will become this “Super Saint,” that will change the world for Jesus!! Yet, it NEVER happens.
What usually happens is that most of us give up trying and quit our relationship with God all together. While I have never gotten to the point of abandoning Christ, I have spent times away from the Church. However, what I learned was this: The same people that I see in Church are all like me!! Every person that goes into a Church, including the man or woman speaking are ALL imperfect messes tying to figure out what to do with our sin and imperfection. While some think that living according to a strict set of rules is what they need to do (and what they tell others to do), some find that just taking each day at a time and being real and honest with God is the best approach.
I think that is what I have found. I can’t be religious anymore. Frankly, I don’t want to be religious. I don’t want a set of rules. I just want Jesus. I just want to take one day at a time and grown in my walk with Him. I want to learn more about Him. I want to be real with Him about my sin, my brokenness, my pain. I want to be transparent with Him and those around me because I believe there are others like me who just need someone to tell them it’s okay for your life to be jacked up………..Jesus still loves you!!
Am I perfect? No. But Jesus inside me is and that’s what matters. Jesus paid the debt I owed and I am now DEBT FREE!! God doesn’t look down from heaven trying to figure out how He can “get me” for the things I have done today that hurt others, myself, or even God. NO WAY!! God looks down from heaven like I look at my kids, with a heart of love and compassion, desiring that they know I love them and want the absolute best for them!! That no matter what they do I will ALWAYS love them!!
Will we wrestle with sin still? Yeah, we will. God will continue to refine us and purify us as we follow after Him. Here’s the kicker though: God is the one what deals with us!! We don’t have to worry about Him being mad or angry. He is Kind, Gentle, Loving, and Full of Grace and Mercy!!! Since this IS the case we can come to Him and lay all of our burdens and weights at His feet for He can carry them!! We can come to Him and talk and be healed, set free, and delivered from the things that destroy us. We can come to Him and laugh, cry, vent, rejoice, yell, be still, worship, and just spend time getting to know Him.
How do we do these things? Well, I think it’s more then just a 15 minute quite time. I think we can make our life be an ongoing relationship experience with God. We can read the Bible and meditate over what we read. Write out what He is speaking to us. Journal. Spend time just being quite before God in an attitude of prayer. We can pray about needs, for people, situations, etc. We can listen to preaching and teaching on our ipods. We can listen to worship music, fellowship with other believers, and worship with other followers of Jesus at Church. We can live a life of continuous seeking in the midst of our daily lives, where it goes from being a must do, to a want to.
I tried religion. I think I will take relationship.
Until next time,
Shawn
